Tuesday, July 22, 2014

the in betweens







i get texts every once in a while from people asking why i havent been blogging.
so let me explain.

this time in my life is strange. i am in between in life.
i graduated college and im one year settled in a quote on quote career.
i am not boring but busy.
i find little time to work out and see my family.
i cry a lot because the future is scary.
and im real with you people..
even though i live a beautiful, free life.
i dont want to blog when im down, about how wonderful my life is.

i think this time in my life is here for me to learn and grow.
test my patience and faith and really hold steadfast and figure out what on earth i want to do.
i think we anxiously await the idea that everything will just fall together,
but it doesnt.
we cant really just wait for life to happen. and thats why i more often than not, i fear the idea of being stagnant.

its these in betweens. this part of my life where i am extremely single and lonely but also very independent and strong. it wears on me. it makes me nervous and uneasy. not because im doing anything wrong. but im feeling an extreme amount of pressure, from my ocd self along with the rest of the world.

i never anticipated not knowing what the right path is or who im supposed to trek that path with.

and i would be lying if i knew what was going on,

if i didnt admit that my organized little mind didn't wake up with sudden anxiety attacks about whats going on in my life.

or that the dreaded phrase "you are so cute, why are you single?" didnt drive me nuts.

 have you noticed everyone makes being single, sound like a disease.

like its something they want to give you a pill for.

that setting you up with someone will cure you and this lonely fever will break.

thats not what i want, nor do i need help getting there.

i better understand now, how painful these in betweens are.

i honestly have felt pain and happiness all at once.
the idea of fending for myself is both painful and fulfilling.
figuring out my next step alone, is both lonely and exciting.


life is scary. i have so many goals and i want everything to work out perfect. that is not realistic.
i need to better trust my judgement and enjoy these bumps in the ride.

because one day i will look back and think silly, silly, chloee...it all worked out fine.


so to answer your question, i have spent time figuring out myself and whats next, blogging has taken a backseat. but i will be back with fun stories soon..because i can feel exciting anticipation.





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22 comments:

  1. I like reading your blog because I relate to you so often! Even though I am married.. I still feel those 'in betweens'. I have been married for two years now, and have adjusted to being married. Kids aren't in the picture, I am done with school, settled into a 'career'.. and well, I have just realized that I am at an in between stage. Not necessarily a 'newly wed'.. not a new mom or expectant mother.. no longer a college student.. but definitely not a professional in my industry. Its awkward. My mom said to me once that through out life we will realize that "enduring" means a lot more than we think it does. And i see what she means. I think we will always have times in life where we feel in between stages.. but that is where the enduring and trusting the Lord comes in. It's awkward and great all in one. Thinking of the future is always a little overwhelming, and living in the moment is hard because we want to be prepared for the future. Ohhh what a never ending battle! :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! They really do mean a lot and i agree with everything you said! And thank you for following along with my dinky little blog!

      xoxo

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  2. iii feel you girl! Im in a bit of the same place! stay strong, keep chugging along! xoxox

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  3. I loved this so so much. I feel like I am constantly thinking something perfect will happen and just fix my life (even though its just fine and doesn't need fixing) and you're so right that's just not how it works. Thanks for this!

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  4. you're just the cutest. so well said as always. still happy from seeing you! you're the best! xoxoxo

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  5. i love you!
    thanks for being such a good friend to me.

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  7. love this so much! your blog is adorable.
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