Wednesday, March 12, 2014

the rules

years ago, some friends and i came across a little book called
The Rules.
it was a dating book that "guaranteed" (yes they really did use the word guaranteed) us to find a husband if we follow them.
well we read it, and were hooked.
it wasn't rocket science, it was the chase.

boys love the chase.

the whole gist of the book is based on making him fight for your love.
dont call him, dont always answer his phone calls, and leave mystery in the relationship.
although there were a few rules that we did not dare follow...
this book seemed to work, until we thought we had the boy hooked and then we would break them.
and the relationship would end.

slowly but surely this book became a way of life...we never even thought to text the boy because the rules tells us we shouldnt.
i wouldn't dream of taking a weekend date if he calls me after wednesday, because the rules said i shouldn't.

and truth be told...following a [majority] of the rules, landed two of my best friends husbands.
these rules are literally ingrained in my memory.

half of my friend group is very anti the rules. they believe that a boy will love you, for you, not because you were playing games. that playing these rules will lead them to fall in love with someone who isn't you, because you were working so hard for the chase the whole time..but then it occurred to me,

everyone has their own rules. mine just happened to be what are laid out in this book.
even before i read this book, i think these rules are part of my personality.
before the rules were my rules, i played them.
i believe in being courted and i believe in chivalry. and i believe in the fight.
i feel like if i wanted someone or something enough, i would fight for it...
the problem with this, society has made it that it's a boy's job to court the girl.
not the other way around.
i feel no desire to ask a boy on the first date,
if they liked me dont you think they would ask me??

my friends often tell me how different i am from them, when it comes to dating,

a few examples...
-homeboy texts me a dead end text, i feel no need to respond.
-homeboy uses the word "friend," again feel no need to respond.
-homeboy doesnt ask me out on the phone, but instead sends me a text. no
-i will not text homeboy, no matter how bad i want to.

these examples make me sound like a priss, but keep in mind i am very nice to the boys above. if they want to be my friend, so be it. i love friends. but i truly do believe that my guy will  love me as much as i want someone to, will be persistent.  he will try and care. he will put me first.

i am not in a relationship, so
nor do i want you to think i am saying this because my way is the right way.
that is my point. these are my thoughts on why i am still single.
the rules i play, might be hindering my shot with good guys...

but thats the thing, im not looking for a good guy, im looking for  MY GUY*.
a great guy.

im not looking for one who texts me when he's outside to "hang out."
because my guy opens my car door, after he knocked on my front door to get me.
im not looking for a guy who sees my flaws and runs.
because my guy knows that i am stubborn and loves me despite my "im always right" personality.
the rules [or my rules] have taught me not only what i deserve, but also taught boys that they need to fight for it.
and believe it or not, SOME WILL. the great ones will.

in a past relationship, i was told "i was the most sane girl he's ever known."
and generally i think its because of these rules..
although it ended and im sure he is still not tooting my horn with those words...

but lets be honest, girls are crazy, analytical, indecisive, and i hate this word but i am going to use it....needy.
girls love the idea of love, they like feeling the need of another person, caring for someone else, etc.
the rules wants you to still be loving and caring, without the crazy girlfriend twist.

if you suffer from any of the above side effects when in a relationship...go see a therapist...
jk read the rules.
realize your worth. and stop fighting for someone who is not fighting for you!
you will hate them, you will complain about them, but in the back of your head you will want to follow them.

as the dating pool gets smaller and older, i tell myself more and more that dating is becoming a lost art.
but im wrong...
the people who are married found their guy.
minus the ones (and we all know a few) that settled (im sorry had to say it)
for less than what they really wanted.

wait for your guy. the guy who is perfect for you, the guy who doesnt make you fight for him because he would never let you think you have to.
hes worth the wait, wherever he may be.
until then i will play the rules, in order to weed out the boys who dont want nor deserve our praise.

sorry long post.
so many feelings about the rules.
k love you bye

*- i constantly refer to my future husband as "my guy," around friends and family. because my guy makes it so he's not just anyone, or anyoneS but he is mine. perfectly made for me.

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  1. I love these rules! I totally agree with these and know they actually work. Do not settle!

  2. This reminds me a lot of "He's Just Not that Into You" which came out when I was still single. It totally changed my perspective on things. I went from being needy and overly sensitive/analytical, to realistic. Just like you said, if he's really into you, he will do all of the right things for the right reasons and you'll know he's right for you. If not then... forget him and move on. Once I started using this philosophy I felt like I had been freed from the "games" and not too long after that I found "my guy." I'm not saying that adopting a philosophy like this will immediately result in finding a husband, but I think I matured and I was able to recognize what I had when he came along.

  3. I love this! And I love that you included the part about settling, because it's sad, but it's a reality for a lot of people. When I bought my first car my dad told me get what I wanted, and never settle, and I have since applied it to all of my life. Why settle with something that will "do", especially when it's the biggest decision of your life?! Never settle! :)

  4. just came across your blog, you are a doll.
    loved this post.

    bailey @

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