Tuesday, December 17, 2013


when i used to think about my life, i imagined working in a pretty place, with blush colored walls and pops of bright colors. fresh flowers in my office and an idea board with all my ideas and favorite things that give me inspiration. I imagined my home making me feel warm and comfortable, not like i need to be somewhere to meet someone but that i am content sitting and relaxing, or cooking dinner for my family. i imagined children crying and piles and piles of laundry. But, I imagined feeling lucky every night before going to bed, that i am passionate about what i am doing or who i was with. that i could do these things on my own. i imagined my relationships with the people i am so close to, always remaining the same, that we wouldn't graduate and grow apart or treat each other as less of friends and more as obligations.  i somehow imagined that it would all just fall together how it was supposed to and it wouldn't be trial and error.

obviously, what i imagined isnt necessarily my reality. dont get me wrong, i am happy with my life. i love so much of my life and honestly find beauty in so many things.

i know i am young, and dont  want all those things now.

but i sometimes wonder where this life is that i "imagined."
why can't i grasp it, when i see it so distinctly in my head.
why is it so hard to find?!

i have friends who always tell me the same thing,
"everything will work out how it is supposed to."
we have all heard that line...so. many. times...
and ill be honest, i get annoyed when they say this...
its true it probably will work out how is supposed to..
but is how it's "supposed" to work out, really how we WANT it to?

i guess lately i have been in a search to find out. how can i live the life i always imagined,
while feeling content with the life i already have?

how i can find that passion and success that i have drawn up in my head, journal, and all over my pinterest boards?

while reading a blog, this woman mentioned how she didn't find her version of "happiness" until she was doing everything she could, and magnifying all the opportunities that arose-whether they were planned and wanted, or by surprise.

this statement struck me....
was i doing everything in my power to find my version of "happiness?"
definitely not.
i cant expect my life to just happen, i need to make it happen.

i am not one to settle, and we should not have to settle into a life we are OK with.
we are given way too much talent, love, and passion to do this.
i almost did that once..
i want to settle into that life that i imagined.
no matter how uncomfortable it is to get there.

just another ramble!


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  1. you are one deep babe.
    you inspired me!

  2. You should never settle, you will hate yourself for it. Also, I agree with the one woman's version of happiness. Do anything and everything that makes you smile, planned or not.

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