Tuesday, January 8, 2013

in the name of {d a t i n g}


it's days like today where i spend a majority of my day in a selfish state.
i workout in the morning, go grab an icky and expensive green drink, then spend an hour roaming around target in my gym clothes acting like i know what i came there for, and end up leaving with just a few things that i, myself, thought i needed.
i do all these things because i can.
because i have no one else to look after except for myself.
because i am allowed to be selfish with my time.
because i havent had to not be!

and then i remember that one day these
oh so selfish "chloee days," arent going to just be mine.
i will have a boyfriend (hopefully), then husband (hopefully), and then of course 4 (yes four) children to think about.

its not that i mean to be selfish, or that im selfish with other things.
its that i am so used to my time being my own, that i get a slight anxiety attack when i realize that my days will no longer be what I'M doing but what WE are doing.
some days i think i am ready for that..
ready to take that on. but then i realize i sometimes do it even while dating.
i dont put it as a priority, simply because I have other things I would rather do, or I am tired. but is that even an excuse?

I watch people get in relationships and give it their all,
and sometimes wonder why i dont...
i convince myself it will take the right person to transform me into wanting to give all my time to someone else.
because i have been there before, where i want to do that.
so for now, i am going to appreciate my selfish hours of spending my money on funny things like beauty products and clothes
and staying at work late and not having to let anyone know that i wont be home until later.
and hope that someone comes along that makes me want to hand over every minute i have.
when that time comes i truly do believe and pray that i will be more than ready to take on him, my four kids, and maybe even a dog! (lets not get too crazy though)

just a little ramble.
xoxo, chlo



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10 comments:

  1. i'm in the same boat as you. and i like this post. enjoy this time of your life:)

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  2. don't worry, even when the perfect guy comes along you will still have plenty of chloee time! and we will still have plenty of ruth and nans time! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sounds like the perfect morning to me :-)

    You can still have "me" time when you're in a relationship and when you have children (all 4 of them) :-) It's important that you have that time to be you and to renew yourself!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. my soon to be real life friend...haha this made me laugh, i thought the same thing before i got married, but surprise, surprise, here i am, sitting in my apartment alone, with all the me time in the world, wishing my husband was home! whoever ends up with you will be a lucky guy!

    ReplyDelete
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ramble on.

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