Thursday, November 17, 2011

i apologize for the heavy blogspot...i havent done one in a while.

do you ever feel like life is just passing and you dont know whats happening? you are enjoying yourself but everything seems to be different than how you were expecting it to be? that is my life lately. i feel like everyday i am trying to figure out what is going to happen the next day and since im trying to tackle the future and chase a day that hasnt even come around yet, i end up missing whats actually happening to me RIGHT NOW. i keep looking forward instead of in the present. lately, i have been confused and concerned about how i am handling things in my own life. this morning when i was listening to my music on my way to class,  TRACK 2 came on, ...TRACK 2 is usually the "song" that i skip but today i decided to listen. TRACK 2 is a 53 minute funeral service for my beautiful mom. as i sat there and listened my heart began to ache, a good ache. through listening to myself speak and my sisters and my dad about this woman who was so sure in what was right, who pressed forward until her very last day, i realized how much of life i am missing looking at the big picture. i keep chasing something and trying to pick apart every part of my life because i am so scared of the future but i realized today that i should be doing just the opposite. i need to embrace these little moments and work on bettering myself as a person instead of trying to tackle all these tasks where i get lost on the way. one thing i always admired about my mom was her ability to have faith, her ability to know that we are going to be fine. i often say this to people when they are stressed or venting that life is going to happen and we are going to be fine  but i wasnt even following these rules myself. i am constantly looking for approval, i want people to assure me that life is going to be okay. i realized today that it is. everything is going to be fine. i am lucky enough to have this beautiful angel looking over me always. she is laughing at me at the things i am stressed about because she knows exactly how its going to play out. i realized today i am thankful for so much more than just the big things that are happening in my life but the little things that i let pass by. i am turning a new leaf and im excited to work on myself because if my mom was around, thats exactly what she would tell me to do.

"life is whats happening when you are busy making other plans"



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5 comments:

  1. Hey Cholee.. just came across your blog and loved this post. I know how you feel. Hope all is well in SLC. :)

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  2. You are so amazing and I am so proud to have you as my sister! I am sitting at work with tears streaming and it is all because of your beautiful heart!

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  3. Wow, thank you! This was just what I needed to hear right now! We are both lucky to have angels watching over us :)

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  4. Love this.. I feel for you, and this is what I needed also! thank you for writing. xo

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